Just Keep Trying; Motherhood is Hardwork!

a few weeks ago, i received an email from my aunt that was EXACTLY what i needed to hear. you know that feeling? the one that makes you want to jump for joy and do a giant fist pump into the air because you can relate to someone about something? well that's how i felt after reading this email.

this particular aunt is my mom's youngest sister, and she and i are about 6 years apart. she's the one i was closest with growing up and i totally adored her. i loved watching her go through each phase before me and i loved every late night talk we shared. she now has 3 kids of her own ages 7, 5, and 3.

she had originally wrote to wish me a happy birthday, and then shared some of her thoughts on motherhood (that i am so grateful for!). here is some of what she said:

Hang in there with mothering. It is hard. So hard. I had an epiphany today. I was completely at a loss as to what to do about some defiance of one of my children so I left the room and went and prayed--well, I vented to Heavenly Father. I cried and told him I hate being a mom. I'd rather be an aunt or sister or grandma. And I realized that that is true! I hate disciplining. I hate saying no. I hate pushing and prodding and "helping" them to do simple tasks almost endlessly during the day. I hate figuring out what works and what doesn't in getting them motivated. I hate being the bad guy. I hate having to figure out and implement good/healthy/reasonable limits to screen time, sugar consumption, etc. And I think I hate it because I'm not good at those! And because I care so much for my kids that I really want to figure it out. Those things take patience and creativity and adaptation. It's so hard! But after telling Him all of this, I felt comforted like "It's okay. You hate it and that's okay."
I realize that I also LOVE being a mother. I love my kids bringing me a book and wanting to sit on my lap to read it. And reading them book after book as they cuddle up next to me. I love their hugs and Lance's "YEEESSSSSS" when I say, "yeah, you can do that" or "yes, you can have a Popsicle"/"blow bubbles"/"have 5 more minutes to play". When I am not already worn out I love their "Watch me mom," "no, keep watching me, don't look away". I mean so much to them. I am important enough that they don't want me to miss their cool thing--whatever it is. I love the notes Lily gives me. One read, "I love mom because she took us to Underwater World." I love the simple, sweet times of motherhood and I hate many of the responsibilities (including figuring out meals every day. I have succumb to cereal being an acceptable dinner food when necessary.), but it's a package deal and it will be worth it even if it isn't right now. I totally believe that.

(a lot of other awesome stuff/examples were shared here, but i've got to summarize this somehow!)

Anyway, love you!! I'd say, just do your best but I don't really like that phrase because I never feel like I'm "doing my best" I mean we can always do better right? Instead I like to think "just keep trying." I think that's what Heavenly Father wants.

the convo we had has been on my mind constantly. Bronx turned three last month and i feel like he's making the "terrible twos" look like it was a cake-walk. i mean c'mon! there are so many moments when i just want to break down crying (okay and maybe i do) because i'm so frustrated that he won't listen to anything i say, and i feel like every second he is trying to beat up his little sister. good grief child just STOP IT PLEASE. and actually, here's a text between Kevin and i from yesterday:

so there's that. haha. and yes, lately Bronx has been calling me "Audrey" instead of Mom when he's mad at me. i hate it, if you wanted to know.

i knew when i read that last line: "just keep trying" , that i wanted it in a printable on my wall. and when i went on Pinterest and searched that phrase i came across this great clip:

so to all you moms out there: just keep keepin' on. hang in there, and remember you aren't alone! you totally got this. take a deep breath, maybe put yourself in a timeout (aka the bathroom...door locked?), and remember that you are SO important to those adorable albeit beastly munchkins. they love the heck outta you, and you'll get through this trying time. just keep trying :)

oh, and here's what i made. it will be hanging on my wall shortly: